Lately i haven't been responding to comments under my posts. I've been slow to reply to emails. I've been avoiding my DMs. I've been asking myself why have I cut so much work out for myself? Why am I so passionate about breaking myths and spreading truth? Why can't I just chill out… As I move through these shifts I realize that spreading myself too thin is of service to no one. So if I don't respond to your comment, DM, or email in a timely manner it's because I've been taking a serious look at my level of self-care. If I can't take care of me I can't take care of my seeds. I don't ever want to look back and think, I should have been more present with my children then worried about my social media presence. … I'm not quitting. I'm not giving up. But I am reprioritizing. If you have a urgent message send an email. Otherwise, I'll be taking a step back from responding immediately. Also, be on the look out for videos that answer your questions. I'll be using the questions that people DM me as inspiration for YouTube videos. … Happy eclipse? stay growing.
Puerto Rico — This mother’s truth has her in a virtual dunking booth of sorts. However, some people definitely misunderstand her honest viewpoint.
A 23-year-old mother, Olivyah Bowens, found herself on the receiving end of praise and criticism from the Internet in July when she shared an honest Instagram post regarding her struggles as a young mother.
According to People Magazine, Olivyah told the source as follows.
“I really thought, ‘Maybe this will help somebody.’ I didn’t know what I was going through back when I had my first child. I didn’t know how to express it. So, I thought maybe there’s another mother who is experiencing this and she doesn’t know what it is.”
Olivyah used to live in Baltimore, Maryland. However, she’s relocated to Puerto Rico, according to the source.
Nevertheless, on July 29, she shared a photo of herself and her daughter, 2-year-old Ozara — in which, she’s crying.
In the post, she opened up about her time as a new mom and how she worried about caring for the little girl.
“No one teaches you how to love a child you didn’t plan to have,” Olivyah mentions in the controversial post. “No one shows you how to traverse the emotional complexity of loving a child you weren’t happy about being pregnant with. It’s even more difficult at those times when they’re having tantrums and pushing you to a point of emotional exhaustion.”
“It’s confusing. When the same people who told you that you pretty much ruined your life are smiling ear to ear at your baby shower a few months later. It’s hard. Looking at a beautiful baby and being bogged down by the thoughts of how you will take care of them and how much life will change. It’s so easy to project the pain of your wounded inner child onto your baby. It is the lethal cycle of undealt with trauma. This stage of motherhood has forced me to look at my reflection in my daughter’s eyes and realize that no I don’t enjoy being a mother all the time, but this child has been the catalyst for major growth. She is the mirror that allows me to look into my past and see the fears still controlling me now.”
If you’d like to read the rest, it’s in her post below.
No one teaches you how to love a child you didn't plan to have. No one shows you how to traverse the emotional complexity of loving a child you weren't happy about being pregnant with. It's even more difficult at those times when they're having tantrums and pushing you to a point of emotional exhaustion. … It's confusing. When the same people who told you that you pretty much ruined your life are smiling ear to ear at your baby shower a few months later. It's hard.. Looking at a beautiful baby and being bogged down by the thoughts of how you will take care of them and how much life will change. It's so easy.. To project the pain of your wounded inner child onto your baby. It is the lethal cycle of undealth with trauma. … This stage of motherhood has forced me to look at my reflection in my daughter's eyes and realize that no I don't enjoy being a mother all the time, but this child has been the catalyst for major growth. She is the mirror that allows me to look into my past and see the fears still controlling me now. … When we heal our deepest pains we are speaking to our ancestors across the space time illusion and holding a cross-generational conversation within our dna that heals old wounds and rectifies long lost problems. Motherhood hasn't just healed me it's healed the mother's that came before me. … The reality is I don't want to be a mother everyday. I don't want to feel held back from chasing my dreams and goals. I don't want to be exhausted. But I KNOW this little girl has brought me face to face with things that would have otherwise been ignored in my bubble of childless freedom. … Dear mama, who is going through an unplanned pregnancy, don't feel guilty, don't feel afraid, don't feel ashamed. That baby chose YOU to be it's mothers at the perfect time. Surrender to the journey of unpredictability and let this new being show you a whole new part of yourself you didn't know was there. ?#takebackpostpartum #thefourthtrimester #motherhoodunplugged #birthofamama #blackmomsblog #milenialmom
After her post, she started receiving an overflow of negative comments and taunts.
According to People, Olivyah definitely wasn’t expecting the amount or type of comments she began to receive.
“It wasn’t shocking because of what I said. It’s my truth. There were two types of comments that really frustrated me. One was in reference to the idea that I’m a single mother and I’m bitter. That’s just not factual. My partner does so much to support me … I didn’t like him being misrepresented.”
NOTE: Her husband’s name is Toddrick Bowen, 24. According to Olivyah, they married during last August. However, they came under much ridicule due to having the child outside of “the right time.” Regardless, she doesn’t regret it at all, and they’ve since had another child together.
“The other comment that was hurtful was people saying I’m a bad mother or that I don’t love my child,” Olivyah mentions. “That was hurtful on one end, but on the other, it was frustrating. I never said I didn’t love my child, I said it was a process to learn to love. I believe love is an action, it’s not just about butterflies in your belly.”
The source states that an Instagram user called the mother “selfish,” stating there were zero feelings of empathy toward Olivyah at all.
In her next post, she mentioned “warming up her Twitter” in order to set a few people straight. However, she changed her mind after coming to the conclusion they weren’t worth her time. So then, she posted this video.
I was warming up my Twitter fingers to set a couple people straight but I realized that it's not worth the effort. If you don't have the capacity to understand don't spew hate just keep it pushing. … Thank you to the thousands of women who shared my message and showed support. We are all healing together???. … Healing trauma and emotional pain literally has the capacity to change our DNA, and grant us holistic health. Words carry the vibrational power to change your reality. Don't underestimate the power of speaking your truth?.
She also told People:
“The reality is I don’t want to be a mother every day. I don’t want to feel held back from chasing my dreams and goals.”
Also, she acknowledges there are several mothers in the world who feel the same. However, it doesn’t mean they don’t love their child. She says she loves her daughters more than words can express.
All in all, Olivyah says she’s glad she posted her story. She told the source that, even if she only reached one or two people, it was worth it. According to her, the message was going to reach whomever it was designed to reach. Likewise, the mother says it wasn’t meant for everyone, and thus, she understood that everyone wouldn’t like it.
Let us know your thoughts about this story. If you have any comments, feel free to share them via our Facebook page.
FYI: Remember to change Facebook notifications for When Love Was Real to “See First,” so you don’t miss any breaking news or trending stories on your timeline.
[Featured Photo via Olivyah Bowens / Instagram]